Chapters in My life

Friday, January 1, 2010

It’s a new start. Everything is about to change. All my friends and I are going to part and move on to another chapter of our lives. All our seniors have gone through this and all our juniors are going to go through this, but right now, we ARE going through this. I know that we should look forward to our lives, anticipate what is going to happen and put on the best attitude to face it. But there are times where we cannot help it but to look back at all that we have done.
Last night, an hour after 2010 have started, lying down on bed, I began to look back at all had happened during 2008 and 2009.. Memories flooded my mind, I can’t help it but to cry. I don’t know why I am crying but tears just kept flowing and flowing.. But I still do not know why I am crying. I remembered that when I went for Cedar’s orientation, the HOD of Pupil’s Welfare asked us a question, “Do you think that you have high risks tolerance or do you have low risks tolerance?” At that point of time, I thought that I have quite a high risks tolerance, but then I doubt it. I began to ponder.. Do I really have high risk tolerance? Do I always take risks? That was the time when I realised that actually I have low risks tolerance. I do not always take risks. I am afraid to take risks. Yes, afraid is the word. Afraid. I am afraid to take risks because I am afraid to fall. I am afraid to take risks because I am afraid to get hurt. I am afraid to take risks because I am afraid to lose. I detest falling because I am afraid of to get up. I detest hurting because I am afraid of pain. I detest losing because of embarrassment. I remember that Mdm Goh once told me that when I write compositions, I don’t dare to go for new kinds, I always play safe, so my compositions are always similar in some ways. I guess, I know why now. I remember that Cheryl once wrote that 1 of my weakness is that I am overly-protective, I am afraid let people enter me because I am afraid of getting hurt. She’s right, but I only realised it now. Is this the feeling I give others? Do I always give people the feeling of being unable to enter my heart? Like we can never be very close, like there is always a distance? I don’t know, but from what Cheryl wrote, is that it? Amanda also once told me that I am too much a perfectionist, I don’t like things to go wrong but they do happen all the times. She told me to open up my heart more to accept mistakes. I cannot right now because I detest knowing my mistakes, what more is there to say about accepting them. Hopefully, I can open up my heart more next time and acknowledge my mistakes. For this to be possible, I need all my friends and family to help so I hope that we will all work together and make this possible. I know that time, patience and effort are all needed to make this tough task possible. But I really admire people who can willingly acknowledge their mistakes and changed for the better. So, I will look up to them and one day, be like them. Through this self-study, I better realised myself and know where I have to improve.
2008 and 2009 have been eventful years for me and I believed it applies to all of my friends and classmates from 6 Care as well. I believed it will have an impact on all of us, no matter in what way. To me, it seems that 2009 just happened in a blink of an eye. Everything happened so fast that I did not even realised it happened. 2009 had been a challenging year for me, and it is only after PSLE then I have got my chance to take a deep breathe. Work loads had been thrown to me, completed or not, it was up to me. 24 hours each day, whether I made full use of it, it was also up to me. But it seems that I did not fully complete my work, I did not fully make use of each and every second. These little incompletes made differences to my finale results, the finale destination that I will reached in the end. But no matter what, all that are supposed to happen, happened. All that cannot be changed, remained the same. They once said, what is most important is not the result, neither is it the final destination but the journey that we went through. I believed that these 12 years of journey had made me a stronger person, both mentally and physically. We have grown 12 years, both mentally and physically. Challenges that we struggled and emerged have strengthen us, even though we did not emerged first all the time. Being first doesn’t mean anything but trying our best to be first means the whole world. We learned as we grow and become better each time, which is why learning never stops and there is never a best. Although we are going to part, moving on towards further success, we must never stop learning and striving to be the best that we can be. Finally, I wish everyone all the best and to have that guts to stand up again after falling. Challenges never stop but they are not there to fail us but to make us stronger!

Lastly, I want to end of with a meaningful quote from Runawaytrain:
I've learned this past year. I’ve changed, I’ve grown. Maybe things do happen for a reason, maybe they don’t. but no matter what, they still happen. That’s what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, then it happens. There’s nothing I can do to change that. I’ve learned to go with my gut, and that it’s okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter won’t care. I’ve learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I’ve learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I’ve learned that today is all we have.

A New Chapter Unfold.. 3:07 PM